Valentines Day 2014

"Blessed are those who are mocked and persecuted because of me"  Jesus said, "Be happy about it, for a great reward awaits you in heaven." (Matthew 5:11)

Scientist #1 met me at the door of their pad today (Valentines day) wearing only a black jock and a smile. I had been avoiding intimacy with scientist #1 on purpose.  My Christian gay friend Willis (who I dated) advised me to hold off on sex with scientist #1 to avoid any confusion about my intentions.

Sex is temporary.  It's like going to the bathroom with someone, except instead of a yellow liquid that comes out of my privates, it's white (or clear depending on what I have eaten).  True love is about emotional intimacy first, then physical. Okay who am I kidding?  I am gay sometimes it can start with a slap and tickle!

I want to experience true love again, the kind worth fighting for, the kind that great novels and movies are written about. The kind of love I had with Brian my first partner from age 19 to 27.

It was a divine appointment when Brian and I met.  My parents had all but disowned me for being gay and I had to drop out of my 2nd University. God knew I needed someone extra special to follow me to my destiny, someone who could handle my outgoing personality without jealousy, my love for Christ, and encourage me to grow as an artist.

I was bar tending underage shirtless at the Shamrock Phase II (mix gay bar) across from the state capital building in Madison Wisconsin. I was leaving for my 15 minute break to go out to my car and smoke some herb, when the hot straight guy (Brian) I had been serving asked if he could join me.  I said sure why not?  He was exactly my age, beautiful and had no filter when it came to telling his opinion or the truth.  He made me laugh which is important. A sense of humor can charm me.

I loaded the bowl and handed him the pipe in the car when he suddenly got upset.

"I can't smoke pot dude, I am in school for police science, I am going to be a cop," he half yelled at me. Abruptly he exited my vehicle with a grunt and slammed the door.

I was mortified!!!  How could I go back in the bar and continue to serve him?  So mortified...but oh well I shrugged, and smoked two bowls of pot before gathering my nerves and returning inside.  Sure enough there he sat smoking a cigarette with those hot beady eyes glaring at me like a juror facing their convicted criminal. 

He said something to me and I pretended not to hear, till that no filter mouth of his wouldn't leave me alone.  I turned and asked, "What did you say straightee" defensively?  After all I was the bartender hired solely on my looks.  I was one of JJ's (the owners) boys, I had also won the title of Mr Shamrock singing Elton John's "The Last Song" so I had the upper hand! He was on my turf.

Brian repeated himself, over emphasizing his mouth and spoke r-e-a-l..s..l..o..w...to emphasize his words.  He said, "You ought to wear tighter pants dude so I can see your ass and I am not straight...would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow?"

The rest is history...we built a home together, moved from Wisconsin to Tampa together, he worked 3 jobs to support me while I paid my dues in rehearsals and talent shows trying to get my big break in show business.  He was a dream, and when I became successful he became my backbone.  We always prayed together and  we never broke up....officially...

You see, one Friday night...I never made it home from the show until mid afternoon the next day.  He was in our house (one block from Busch Gardens Tampa) on his knees scrubbing the floor when I walked in (which was unusual).  He took one look at me and knew I was different, something was wrong, I had changed...he feared he had lost me.

There were 13 burns on my hand from the crack pipe that I so foolishly experimented with the night before.  Had I known it was crack I never would have tried it. I was instantly hooked and only Jesus could save me now...

Brian loved me enough to move me to Orlando to survive and recover.  He would rather me live and not be with him, then stay in Tampa and die.  He cried buckets of tears and I lay in his lap listening to Sandi Patty"s "Hand on My Shoulder" on my relocation trip to Orlando.  I did recover from crack too, but only because Brian loved me enough to let me go in God's hands.

There is nothing impossible with God. He walked me through my recovery and I have been free from crack for 14 years with only one relapse.  But again that's another story for a different day.  This is about finding true love and being single on Valentines Day 2014.  

Scientist #1 was undressing me in his foyer this morning, and I had a decision to make. I have the revelation that God created me gay and I am allowed to enjoy myself as long as I don't hurt anyone. I always play safe and carry my party pack (magnum condoms & gun oil lube) with me wherever I go.

But if we scr*w now, then he's not the one. So I caved and took care of scientist #1's itch. Somewhere during the 6th round (me topping only) he looked up at me with crazy eyes and I thought, ooooohhhh sh*t! Red Flag, red flag..crazy eyes...red flag!

I am not trying to gross out any straight people reading. I know talking about gay sex may seem disgusting, but likewise I don't want to know what heteros do behind closed doors. To me its equally as gross imagining the straight version of the slap and tickle. I have always looked at it this way.

Straight people Pro-create
Gay Men Recreate

I am a Whosoever

My mom was finished getting ready (for their Southern Baptist Sunday morning service) and putting on her coat. My dad was honking the horn waiting in the car (as usual) when the phone rang. It had been 6 months since "Jamie" mysteriously disappeared (taking only a pair of jeans and phone). Maybe the private investigator was calling with a lead.

"Hello? " Polly my adopted mom (since 3 months old) asked.

"Hi is this Mrs. Montoya?", my Prozac taking jealous first boyfriend inquired (from Madison Wisconsin). He was 4 years older than me, and at 23, crazy as hell!

"Yes, yes this is...who is this?" Polly demanded, fearing it was the call parents dread about a missing child.

"Hi Mrs Montoya, my name is Tim Fitch, and I want you to know your son is gay.....I f*ck*d him last night!!!"

Which was a total lie, I was still a virgin. Except for the gang rape outside of east St Louis (at an after hours club called Faces) by 5 straight blackguys who thought I was pretty. I was tricked outside (by myself) not telling my friend (I was traveling with across country) where I was going.

I don't consider that as losing my virginity though. I didn't experience pain from the assault at all. God was with me. He took me somewhere with Him in my mind. There was a blue light, and singing while I was bloodied and bruised on a gravel parking lot.  I am sure it was angels protecting my life by distracting me with their singing and the light so white it was blue.

But that's another story for a different day. This is about how mom and dad found out I was gay.  I was ripped out of the closet and took it as my way out. Once my parents knew I didn't care who else did.

Tim (my first bf) was mad at me and thats the reason he called my parents. He was spiteful, and wanted to out me. My crime was going across the street to the New Bar/Rods gay bar complex underage.

I wanted to see the show. Never saw a drag queen before, and I had been studying vocal performance /music at 2 Universities. I was curious.

Tim was insanely jealous of anyone even talking to me. Since I was fresh meat, he thought I was out cruising behind his back because he did that to me. But I was not looking to hook up. He was my boyfriend. I am loyal in a relationship with my heart. But Tim helped me experience the right of passage most gay twink's learn the hard way. Be careful who you trust.

Recently my business associate asked me, "Jay, how do you reconcile yourself to God since u work at a church?" This was before my lay off.

"Reconcile? Reconcile? I didnt know I had too. I asked Christ in my heart at age 5 with a clear understanding of who He is. This was long long before I knew how my body responded to touch. My bible says, WHOSOEVER believeth in Him shall not perish and have everlasting life. (John 3:16). It doesn't say, Whosover believeth but gay people. Besides, my life is littered with miracle after miracle. Thats how people know it's God who loves me. And if he could love someone like me, then for sure he can love anyone." I replied....

This is my story...