Why I am different

My birth mom Maria (the only picture I have of her) she died when I was 19...I met her once

"If my father or mother should abandon me, the Lord would welcome and comfort me." Psalm 27:10 (TLB)

Dakota finished his pro tools certification exam first the other day, and submitted it online for his grade. Immediately it came back that he had passed (which was no surprise to me), at 18 he is a whiz. I on the other hand was knee deep in multiple guessing.  Nothing I studied was on the exam except a whole bunch of trick questions about their software's plug in capabilities so I said a prayer...my famous bullet prayer...Help God Help!  _________________________________________________________________________________

I was rescued from a crib by my Uncle Henry as an infant. Maria, my birth mom was barely 15 years old when she had me in El Paso Texas. She left me alone for days on end with nothing but canned condensed milk in a bottle to drink.  She loved me...but was too wild and young to take care of me. 

Maria's new step dad (Joseph Romero Sr) had 2 younger half brothers from Celia Montoya's 2nd family. Uncle Henry was the youngest male. I was given his name as my middle name. Uncle Henry already had a house full of kids and I was just an extra mouth to feed.

Manuel Montoya the oldest male (who worked his way through college in a mine in Colorado) had a family of his own, Polly and 2 daughters.  He was successful and wanted a son.  I doubt the last thing he wanted was a gay son...but I didn't choose to be gay.  Manny is a man's man...could build or fix anything and because of him I never once have wondered or cared who my birth father could be.

Once in West Virginia (age 9), some wild dogs had killed our sheep and my dad (Manuel) jumped in his jeep and tore across the mountain chasing them.  After almost flipping the jeep (he is a daredevil...met Polly sky diving) he found a good spot in a field and stopped. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed his rifle, stood up with the jeep still running...and shot one of those wild dogs. I was mortified!!!!!

I watched as it flipped in the air, heard it yelp and die.  It had to be done, the wild dog could have killed more sheep or even us kids, but when I saw it flip in the air...I burst out crying.  Being the man that he is...my dad actually comforted me by taking me back home and building me the best tree house an engineer could build that very afternoon.

It was then, in West Virginia around age 9 or 10 when I was first called a faggot by our preacher's son.  I didn't know what it meant but it hurt and it was at church.  I was a cry baby, sissy, musical kind of a kid who played Wonder Woman and Charlie's Angels when other guys my age went hunting with their fathers.  I even put on fake bracelets and spun around like Lynda Carter did on the tv show.

I guess that's the reason I was called a c*cksucker though I had never sucked a c*ck.

When being called gay and faggot (at a young age at a Southern Baptist Church) became too much for me to handle...I cried to God one afternoon in the mountains by myself.  He gave me the courage to tell my parents.  My dad took care of it...like he always does. He is a fantastic father!

I wish I could explain to my dad that being gay is not a choice...and that I am sorry for being such a disappointment. We have been around this mountain many times and I am never going to be the son he wants me to be.  If I could have jumped out of my skin into a straight person's skin...I would have back then.  The torment of being different (and teased) didn't affect me after West Virginia though.

This is why:

I asked Christ in my heart at age 5...long long long before I knew how my body responds to touch.  In those years between 5 and 10 (in the mountains) I spent a lot of alone time singing to God.  I don't care how weird it sounds...I know God was with me in the mountains...I could feel His presence in the wind...I could sense him laughing when I danced...and all I did was just sing church hymns and songs I made up about how good He is.

I guess it was easier to believe in Him because I was adopted and never knew who my biological family was.  I often think about the story when God led me down the mountain (age 10) after I fell out of a tree and landed on a nail.  I could have died in more ways than one that day...but when I cried out to God...He answered.  Not by some voice out of the sky...but by the voice inside my heart.

He let me have my fit....then after I wore myself out screaming....He gave me detailed instruction on how to make a crutch I could lean on and how I could bandage my wound so the smell of blood wouldn't bring the pack of wild dogs to kill me.

I was frequently bullied at this time being called faggot and gay and queer but that didn't matter to God even though it happened at church. He loves me. So he had me stand up and face the direction and miles I had to walk to get home. Bleeding, with no shoes and it getting dark, He whispered in my heart,  "Don't look ahead at how far you have to go....I am with you." As I took my first step I heard God say one final instruction to me in my heart "Sing to me Jamie...sing!!!."

So I sang my heart out, though crippled by pain from my injury.  In a weak voice it came out...."Jesus Loves Me this I...I"...I fell down.  Standing back up...I continued "this I know...for the bible tells tells" I fell again.  Help God Help!!!!  And he stood me back up again...and I continued singing "tells me so, little ones to Him belong...they are weak but He is strong".

I sang every song I knew especially "There is power in the Blood" (because I had just learned to play it on the piano) as I walked down the side of that mountain that day to my rescue.  God had pickled and preserved me in His love during my childhood and taught me to sing His praises while hurting...(something I leaned heavily on during December of last year while being mistreated). 

No one, I mean no devil in hell, no doctor or preacher or reverend or teacher or parent or instructor...I mean no one on this planet or in this galaxy...can tell me that God does not love me and all His gay children!!!  I am willing to die for this belief...because I know I am going to heaven. NO ONE CAN SEPARATE ME FROM THE LOVE OF GOD...NO ONE!!!!

Call me crazy...but I have read the end of the book and I know who wins. Jesus said it better than I ever could about those who say they believe but are judgmental hateful people. He called them a bunch of white washed tombs full of dead men's bones and I dealt with a few of those kind of people last December as they snickered and talked about me behind my back...but that's a different story for another day.

Besides, I forgave them as they did it because I am not perfect and God forgives me. GOD is my vindicator.  I am not interested in tearing anyone down...but only lifting up the radical, wreckless, raging fury that is called the Love of God (paraphrased from Rich Mullins song "The Love of God).

It aches and pains me to know that scripture has been so misinterpreted, that people today (in the name of God)...persecute, discriminate, ridicule, even slaughter gay people all because of the Levitical code.

I could visit the Levitical Code and explain to you how "Man shall not lay with mankind as with woman" had to do with child molestation and prostitution in the Baal Temple at the time the Israelites were migrating to the promised land. Yes child molestation is an abomination...I testified against a molester who had the audacity to brag to me once 20 years ago....and I would do it again...that is sick sick sick!!!!

The Levitical code had nothing to do with gay people.  One interpretation calls Satan the evil genius and he was able to twist scripture around so that to this day, gay people are dieing and going to hell thinking God hates them....nothing could be further from the truth.

But I am not going to visit the Levitical code just yet.  My blog, my life...is littered with so many miracles...I am a walking testimony that God loves gay people.

Yesterday I was watching Showtime on Demand, and there was a Lindsey Lohan movie on, that she produced.  Since I am a sound designer and studying to compose for film....I started watching....I like her, I am a wild card like her.  But I tell you...the moment her bra came off and I saw those breasticles nude....ugghhhh...I mean gross...I mean I got nauseous.  Females are gorgeous wonderful creatures but to see one naked gives me the willies!

One thing I know for sure...God knew what He was doing when Manny and Polly adopted me.  I was given a life that exceeded anything Maria could have even wished for me.

The big rumor was that I was retarded when I was an infant. I would go into little seizures and put my hands behind my head and shake. My parents took me anyway knowing they may have a special needs child.

After a few days with my adopted parents, Polly noticed I hadn't taken a crap.  So she got a little enema and administered it. One little squirt is all it took. All that canned condensed milk had me constipated. The enema worked. Lo and behold I wasn't retarded after all...I was just full of shit!

_________________________________________________________________________________

The certification exam was timed and I still had 30 minutes to go.  You only get 2 chances to take the exam and then you fail out of the program.  Yes I had some distraction this last quarter with my song on the radio and my blog being read in Germany, China, the Netherlands and America.  But this is where the rubber meets the road, and I went over each question one last time before submitting it.

I held my breath, said my bullet prayer again, Help God Help, and submitted it,.

Congratulations!  You have passed the certification exam popped up my screen.

I did a cartwheel on my way to the car!

Manny Jamie Polly

Manny and Polly my mom and dad

What Love Can Do (Part 3) - I am No Surpise to God (SONG INCLUDED)

Jamie Montoya recording Glory In the Highest

"He who dwells in the secret place of the most High, shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the almighty, whose power no foe can come against.  I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my rock, and in Him do I lean and confidently place my trust." Psalm 91:1-2

I had just returned from my break (I worked lunch and dinner) in the gay army (waiting tables at the Olive Garden) and was pissed that I caught Darryl blowing my neighbor.  I mean it was hot to see it actually happen. I had just relocated to Orlando from Tampa (to get off crack) thinking Darryl was someone I could trust, it didn't occur to me he was blowing the neighbor who was flirting with me. 

I didn't really care, I was no where near in love with him.  He was just a new man (that said they were devoted) and helped while I found my footsteps in Orlando.  I didn't know him a week before Brian dropped me off on his front door step.  He was Kendra Delight's (my 2nd best friend) trade from out of town.  I knew Brian and I would never be over officially as partners...no one could replace what we had.  Not yet at least, and I really was running from crack to save my life!

Standing at the appetizer window trying to get the cooks attention so I could smoke some pot in the back bathroom, I brushed off the Darryl incident I just witnessed at home, and introduced myself to another member of the gay army.  He was filling his basket with the infamous Olive Garden bread sticks for the unlimited soup salad and bread sticks special with water and lemon..all of us despised, when he took a double take.

"Wait did you say your name was...is...Jamie Montoya....like THE Jamie Montoya?"

Yes, I am T-H-E Jamie Montoya.  I just transferred from Tampa because I retired my high heels and moved here to become a recording artist. 
 
"Great!", my name is Jay and I am going to Full Sail Recording School my new friend replied.  "Let's talk about partnering up and becoming a vocal duo."  And we did.

I was so lost at the time though, but love was following me every step of the way.  At least I had a new job with friends who threw me a surprise 28th birthday party only 6 months after I had gotten to Orlando.  As always, I was popular, had a lot of great hot sex but was really wrestling with what God had in store for me.

When I had prayed the sinners prayer (unprompted at 5 years of age) asking Christ in my heart, I opened my eyes and turned to my parents (on our knees) and said, "Mom, dad God wants me to do something in music".  Now some 20ish years later stranded in Orlando without singing or touching a piano in several years...I ached with a longing for Christian music.  My only relief was Rich Mullins and his songs from Awesome God to I see You to Hold me Jesus to Step by Step.

I sang for a grocery store owner while standing in line one day, and he bought me recording studio time.  Like I said love had just been leading me even when I didn't notice...till just now.  Yeah some stranger booked recording studio time hearing me sing just once. I still have that recording, but I had some maturing to do.

I really needed a moment with God to get grounded and find His direction.  I was the kid who sang and danced with God when I was 8 or 9 in the mountains.  He even led me home safely after falling out of a tree and landing on a nail.  In my heart He told me to stand up, face the direction I needed to go, not look ahead and sing my way down the mountain to Him. I was rescued following Him.

I had always been a wierdo about how good God is to me and I was always bragging about God.  Even when people thought I was some kind of lunatic.  I knew He is real and loves me and was changing my heart from the inside out.  

On the morning of my 28th birthday,  I was led a few blocks from my home on a cobblestone street downtown Orlando to Lake Eola.  Lake Eola is the park that Disney built for Orlando as a thank you for letting them build the theme park.  It is beautiful, and it drew me that morning. 

I passed the end of the park where the Backstreet Boys former manager would blow me in his limo for a 100 bucks every Friday.  After being drawn to the waters edge in Lake Eola, I decided in my heart not to hustle anymore to get by and asked for forgiveness.  I was going to trust God.  

I sat by the water's edge and let my spirit unleash all the hurt of losing my career, and my following and my friends and Brian and our family. I prayed with every thing I had.  I cried, I sobbed, I wanted a new dream, a new vision.   

After I was convinced I was forgiven of everything I had ever done by the blood of Jesus, the life changing prayer was very simple when it finally came out .  "God, please restore my talent.  I wasted the talent you gave me playing the piano and singing, please return it to me.  I am sorry for wasting it.  Please restore my talent."  

I then fell on his promise and said Psalm 91 out loud that I learned as a child for a bible drill...."He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty whose power no foe can come against". That secret place is my personal relationship with God.  No one can take my alone time with God away, and sometimes He keeps us desperate to have alone time with Him. 

The glare on the water seemed to jump off the lake and hit me in the eye after quoting that scripture.  I was filled with peace, and joy and love.  So I sang a few songs to God out loud, not knowing I was anointed worship leader right then, and not caring who could hear me in the park. 

I then felt a cool breeze suddenly brush me from all sides traveling upward until it tickled me on my forehead.  In my heart I heard God whisper..."I am not done with you by far.  Get up, and go claim your destiny."  I stood up a new man, no longer a female impersonator, but a man with a destiny.

As I was leaving the park I noticed a handwritten sign that said piano for sale 35$.  Knowing it was a God thing, I went in the church and inquired, though I only had 30 dollars.  When I found a key that did not work (a low E), I pointed it out and the church accepted my offer.  They said I had to get it home though and gave me a dolly to use.

Luckily Brian was on his was to celebrate my birthday and he and I pushed and pushed and broke that dolly trying to get the old player piano in my apartment.  People would drive by and asked if we needed help, then when we said yes, they said they would come back...but never did.

But the moment finally arrived when I had that piano in my apartment.  The first time I played one in at least 5 years.  What was I gonna play?  That's when it happened, I sat down and wrote my first song.  God did more than answer my prayer that afternoon restoring my talent.  

He made me a songwriter. I used to think songwriters were geniuses until I became one. That is what my song on the radio now "What Love Can Do" is all about. I wrote it years before the other song What Faith Can Do came out, and it is nothing like it.  It is about starting over, going back to square one, facing everything and recovering and 4th and 5th chances. 

You should check out it out at www.party934.com  ask for Dale.  This is NOT a religious song.
I am an adult contemporary artist releasing my next unit in the Pop/Rock category

Click onto this link to check out the first song I ever wrote and recorded  
https://mysp.ac/EGql?play=1

Jamie Montoya

Jamie Montoya

Jamie Montoya male swimwear photo shoot

Jamie Montoya recording artist

  



 

What Love Can Do (Part 2) - I am No Surprise to God

Mena Darnell, Shantel, Gilda Golden, Jamie Montoya, Heather Fontaine (my drag mom) in the middle (yes that's my real hair).  Cast of Tremors in N Tampa.

"The thief comes only in order to kill, steal and destroy,"  Jesus said, "But I have come that they may have and enjoy their life, have it in abundance, to the full,  until it overflows!"  John 10:10

"Last night the show was just terrible Jamie...terrible!" Heather Fontaine (my drag mom) complained to me over the phone that Saturday morning, "The lesbians found out that you and Christian were fired because the club owners couldn't afford to pay you 25 dollars a show and they were p*ssed!  Can you please come back tonight and perform?  I have to go out of town on a gig and I will let you do your first solo?  I can't pay you, but you can do your first solo...what do you say Jamie....please?"

I had been ready for years for this very moment and I was poised and ready to go.   It was my very first solo performance ever in a professional gay cabaret show, and it just so happened be in front of the elite of Tampa that night (with all the press and every club owner from South Beach to Jacksonville in attendance).

I said a prayer (during the stage blackout) before my number.  I stood on a winding platform (waiting for the first piano cue) that opens the power ballad "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"  and I began my descent.   I slowly turned in a circle like an unwinding ballerina doll as the song unfolded....my expressions changing from make believe into human.

I had grown my own hair out long (because I sweated out wigs while dancing) and I had my lips and cheeks filled with silicone.  I was known as a boy queen, the only one on cast without real t*tt*es and d*ck.  My boobs were fake. Under Heather and Gilda's guidance, I looked like fish which meant I looked like a real girl and could pass.

God was with me as I danced, cried and screamed.  I even lit my hands on fire underneath a black light as the crowd watched in awe.  All those years at the nudist resort, all those lost talent shows, all the rehearsals I attended for free finally paid off.

During the bridge, I spun in circles and danced with glowing white cloths representing the soul of my lost lover...and when it was over, I made my way back to the winding platform......leaving in my wake, fresh tears from performing my heart out.

As the song closed with Bonnie Tyler whimpering, every eye in the room was frozen in my grip and no one moved or breathed.   I slowly raised my hands in one triumphant ballerina pose as I began winding back up like a toy (the way I began the number). I knew something special had happened.

So did the crowd....

From the dressing room I could hear the audience chanting Jamie!!! Jamie!!! Jamie!!! Jamie!!! Jamie!!! Jamie!!!! I looked at Gilda Golden (the emcee extraordinaire)  horrified, I didn't know what to do?  I had never had a call back before and this was the first encore ever in the Legends show by their own back up dancer who was fired the night before because of budget.

Before I continue, this is not Legends the nightclub in Raleigh NC.  No this was Tremors in North Tampa in a cabaret show with true walking Legends in the profession.  I had just been fired right after Friday rehearsal the day prior because our bar managers snorted all their money and couldn't pay me.  I trusted God that Friday night sitting home alone crying, and it's because of Him that I was able to stop the show the next night. 

Brian burst in the dressing room so proud! "I love you Jamie!!!  You did it!!!  Go back on, they are calling you!!! You did it!!!  I love you I am so proud!!" He was beside himself with pride, knowing the sacrifice I went through for years for a shot at the big time.  I never felt more loved by him.

I don't remember going back on for my encore (though I did), but I do remember all those queens gnashing their teeth that little Miss Jamie Montoya stole their show.  When I came back offstage from the call back, there was a pound at the dressing room door.  Before we could answer it, this big, fat, man like lesbian came barging in screaming.

She scared me for a moment until she caught her breath and spoke out loud.  Excitedly, and  in front of all the entertainers she said, "Jamie, if the bar owners can't pay you 25 dollars a show, the lesbians will."  She handed me a 50 dollar bill and left with every queen in the dressing room jaws to the floor. 

That is how I was hired as a cast member at Sharp A's in Gulfport, and became a headlining entertainer throughout Florida for female impersonation. I knew my drag career would eventually have an expiration date, but for now I was on top of the world.

After enjoying a successful run for several years, I accidentally tried rock one night on the way home from a show.  I didn't know what rock was, only that you put it in a straight pipe called a stem, and you smoked it.  It was only then that I learned that rock was a demon straight from hell sent only in order to kill steal and destroy.  Rock was short for rock cocaine, which really meant crack...and it stole my career.  However, I think God used it as a road map back to Him and the call on my life for Christian music.

That's all I listened to at the time Rich Mullins, Sandi Patty, Amy Grant, Michael W Smith...you name it, I loved it if it was contemporary Christian music. I was told once that I could never do a song in a show with word Jesus in it.  That was sign number two (after experimenting with crack sign #1) that my female impersonation career was ending.

That Christmas I visited my parents (who I thought had disowned me for 7 years for being gay) for the first time in the town they had moved too.  It was in North Carolina and I was so proud of myself coming to visit since I was such a success..  However, (secretly inside) I was  struggling with a fresh crack habit and missed being a part of Christian music singing and playing the piano.

One afternoon, somewhere in the back roads between Fuquay-Varina and Cary...possibly on Old Johnson Pond Road, I had an epiphany (thanks to my mom).  As we were headed into Cary to go to the business they owned my mom said one sentence that changed my life.

"Jamie, how does doing drag make God happy?"  

I knew what she meant, I went to Western Michigan University and the University of Wisconsin as a vocal performance major.  I had no right to be lip-synching.  I took over 14 years of piano lessons, was a teenage church pianist, and had a calling on my life to lead worship and be a recording artist.  

That one sentence changed my life, and when I returned to Florida, I canceled all my contracts, became a no one and moved to Orlando.

That is what the final part of this series "What Love Can Do (part 3)" is about.  How God found me where I was, picked me up, cleaned me up, forgave me for the drugs and giving my worship to something other than Him, healed me and made me into what he wanted me to be.  It's about how I became a songwriter, a recording artist and a Contemporary Worship Leader though his grace, faith and a prayer.

What Love Can Do (Part 1) - I am No Surpise to God

 Jamie Montoya circa 1992-2000 (and yes... that's my real hair)

"And we know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28


The first time that press interviewed me for the upcoming "Legends" show in Tampa (headlined by former Miss Continental and current Miss Florida FI  Heather Fontaine) I was unprepared for the first question.

I was one of two back up dancers that had been currently paying my dues (by etching my craft as a female impersonator) at the nudist resort "Paradise Lakes" in Land O Lakes Florida.  It was the one place I ever worked where I punched in on a time card to wear heels and twirl.  It was also where I learned to do flips in heels in front of a crowd of maybe 250 nude people in their nightclub.

It all began in the Midwest (Madison Wisconsin), back when Tim had outed me to my folks. I began performing in the nightclubs as a male performer, singing, go go dancing, lyp syncing to Prince, or acting in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I even went out for Mr Pageants and sang and played keys but never won anything except a bar title.

I had club sponsors from around the state invested in my male career like Za's in Green bay and several other nightclubs in Milwaukee, Wausau, Appleton, Stevens Point and more.   I was touring with a performance troupe singing and go go dancing so I started making a small name for myself.

And one thing I have a gift for is what Heather calls "tipping around".  Its the time right before a show when you go out into the audience and "tip around"....meeting people so they tip you when you are onstage.  That's why it's called tipping around.  I can work a room (and genuinely connect with others) when I want and I can make a memorable impression.  I have met bombshell famous celebrities this way, that have given the right support to guide my career.  I can fit in almost anywhere and because of God's favor I have the respect of many a fascinating original person and I have grown through each experience.

Du wanna Moore was giving up her crown to Sasha Mitchell for Miss Wisconsin USA (female impersonation) that year, and she needed a back up dancer for the song I introduced her too...Sandi Patty's "Carry On".  Since we were the same size, she suggested she paint me and wear her clothes.  People literally fell out of their chairs when I hit the stage as a Miss.

Some were mad.  "He is such a beautiful boy, look at him now he's a truck driver in a dress...what a pity...what a waste!"

You know I never once wanted to be a queen I just kind of walked into the profession.  Countless times I would go onstage in front of packed houses as a male, and would sing circles around queens, while they just stood there and people handed them money.The first song I lyp synched to in heels was Sandi Patty's "Amazing Grace" and that's all it took. The bug hit when I looked at female impersonation like character acting.  One thing I can do...is act.

Others saw the beauty I could be that night when I was back up for Sasha.  Back then Cass Marie Domino (my age) was already a drag STAR in our local community....and we were friends.  We both lost Jeff Hamiliec to the plague. She inspired me enough to break out fresh somewhere.  I was looking for my own star to rise on and ready for anything and anyway it took to be successful as long as it was not illegal.

Coincidentally, Brian (my first partner of 7 years) and I went on vacation that year to visit our best friends Dean and Scott in Tampa Florida.  One night we went down to Ybor City to a club called Tracks which used to be called El Goya.  I had stars in my eyes to see the show, (not knowing that Tampa is the # 1 place in the nation for the art of true female impersonation).

The legend goes that a certain underground organization owned a club years back....wait you know what...I think I will keep that to myself.  Let's just say that there is a reason Tampa was/is the number one place for female impersonation.......a very good reason.

From the moment I saw the first authentic looking female impersonator with boobs was that evening at Tracks in Tampa.  It was Amy Demilo in a Vegas Style number...and I was hooked.  I turned to Brian and said, I am not going home to Wisconsin.  If you want to stay with me, you will go back up, pack up, get the dogs and move back down here to be with me.  I am not leaving.

And I didn't.  Brian did go back and do as I asked, then came back down to be with me and worked 3 jobs to support my new ambition.  I transferred through the Olive Garden and began performing that week.

I don't know why but I knew God was with me through every talent show I lost.  It is almost like He pushed me to succeed.  I think He was teaching me lessons about determination, confidence in Him, and not giving up.  Definitely lessons I used when I was leading music ministry later on.   I gave Him my craft and he introduced me to Heather n Gilda and all the right people.

For years I went every night to a different talent show between St Pete, Clearwater or Tampa paying my dues...until one day...I got my shot.  Through a series of events and my gig at the nudist resort, I was hired as a back up dancer making 25 dollars a show 6 shows a week 5 day rehearsals at Tremors in N Tampa.  I even learned to tap dance in heels for this big break.

So when the press asked me my name that day for the Intouch and Contax gay magazines...who knew I would be so unprepared?

"Hi, what is your stage name?" the reporter inquired.
"Um...uh...(sh*t why haven't I thought of this...like ever)...uh...(tick tock tick tock)....uh...Jamie" I exhaled sitting down in my 2000 dollar Bob Mackie beaded gown with rhinestones from my ass to my elbow.  
"That's great...what is your last name"?  the reporter inquired while focusing the camera and (digging deep in my eyes) sensing I was unprepared.
"Uh....uhh...I am Jamie....uhh..uhhh...(the only thing I could think of  that went well with Jamie fell out) uuuh...Jamie Montoya.  My name is Miss Jamie Montoya."

"I Love it!!"  the reporter exclaimed "you look like a Jamie Montoya"

Lady you have no idea I thought as I wondered if someday this could affect my career somewhere else?

Who knew my real name (would be my girl stage name later on) then be my recording artist name and the name printed on bulletins as Contemporary Worship Assistant?  God has always had me in mind as a worship leader because I grew up leading the congregation by playing the piano for a Southern Baptist church service on Sunday mornings. We helped to plant churches so in High School by default I was the church pianist. It was part of my calling I received when I asked Christ in my heart at age 5.

I may have not been technically correct all the time, but I was spirit filled.  I remember playing The Family Of God  during the welcome, and this couple stood up after and said to us all, "We just came from a trip around the world, and to hear Jamie play The Family Of God...warms out heart because we know that we are at home in The Family Of God."

Today I consider myself an adult contemporary recording artist, worship leader,  songwriter and Sound Designer, who happens to be a spirit filled Christian that happens to be gay.

I know I have been absent recently for a bit, but my song currently playing on the radio is growing legs.  It is called "What Love Can Do".  It's about hope, and clean slates, 3rd and 4th chances, Plan C, overcoming challenges and victory! You can check it out at  www.party934.com to hear it. I wrote it, I sang all the back up harmonies and am playing the keys.  Ask for Dale at party934.com, he and the other mixologists are talented and beyond.

I  have been lured by being offered money and a contract with a company in Nashville and am interested but put it on hold till I consider all offers.  I need to focus on my school.  I got a D on my midterm...through all the excitement.  Also Professor JT just showed Dakota and I a private recording studio in school that we can record in whenever we like.  I am like a kid in a candy store!!!  They should have showed me this first day...i never would have been absent!!!

For now, there is one thing I know...and I stand on until the next blog as I continue to reveal God's reflections of love in my life that "All things are working together for me, because I love God and I am answering His call on my life according to His Purpose."

"Miss Jamie Montoya cast member "Sharp A's Lounge" Gulfport Florida with Bobbi York special guest"

Jamie Montoya Recording Artist

The next Right Thing

"And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galations 6:9

Scientist #2 made me climax 3 times this morning orally in 10 minutes before our date, but I am still more attracted to my bedspread. Don't get me wrong he is not ugly, but I could tell when he was laying in my arms (me on my back) and giving me guppy kisses all over my neck and chest that this was not going to work.

The break up song "Say Something" came on the radio while I was gazing at the 3d laser lights bouncing off my wall to wall mirrors in the man cave I call my bedroom.  I found myself in tears over someone else (as scientist #2 was now busy below working on my 4th climax) .  That's when I decided to let the ghost go about dating scientists.  I am going to dump them both.  They need someone else.  Not me!

Please God give me another chance to love and be loved again...with the right person.  I don't want to climb a ladder to find it's leaned against the wrong building.  No settling.

I do have hope about being with someone.  I am just done looking for it, I spent the other day & evening with a person who if they were single...we'd be together again..but i am not a home wrecker.  I do not want what is not mine.

So for now,  I will not be weary in well-doing: for in due season I shall reap, if I faint not.  When I get myself off my mind and help others, then God is free to work on my problems.
 
For instance, the 3rd time I passed my ex's neighbors door in Durham...I could no longer ignore the overwhelming desire to obey my instincts and knock.

I was so nervous, I was shaking. How could I explain to someone that I don't know about this strange nudge in my heart to knock on his door, and give them my can of peaches?

When the door opened...the person behind the screen was ash in color and in tears.  I said, "You don't know me but God has put it on my heart to knock on your door and give you my can of peaches.  So here you go buddy...God loves you!"

Before I heard his response, I handed him the can and scooted out of embarrassment.

Later that evening I was informed by my ex, that their neighbor was sitting in his chair with a gun to his head moments away from killing himself when I knocked. He was just diagnosed full blown AIDS.

He was unaware that HIV and AIDS were not a death sentence anymore.  He didn't know he could live a healthy normal life span with medication he could even enjoy a healthy sex life with no risk of transmission if he were on meds.

Instead, he wanted to end his life.  The stigma was too great.  So with furor he cried out (one final time) for a sign that God loved him.

Here I come with a knock at the door (being led by my instincts) with a can of my peaches and telling him that God loves him. His answer to prayer came through a can of peaches. God answered his prayer through me and saved him from killing himself.

 I am so glad I obeyed my instincts and knocked on his door.  We are given instincts for a reason...I am using my instincts and have decided to quit looking for love, it will find me.

Scientist #1 has (fatal attraction) crazy eyes when I screw him. Don't mind his little d*ck (it's less work) as much as I do being trapped in the grips of those crazy eyes. Scarrrry!!! Plus he is some kind of BORING!!

Scientist#2 rolls his eyes in the back of his head and is tabulating something under his breath right before he climaxes. Its so funny...like he is calculating all variables during our intimacy...before he can reach the money shot. I have had to keep from laughing out loud so not to be rude. I also knew when he said he doesn't own TV I was in trouble. We ran out of things to say last time...guess I was giving it one more try. To him I am the center of the universe, he is sweet!!! I can't fake it though anymore.

I guess both are just not my flavor. I know my prince charming is out there and I am holding out for my hero.  Until then, I am gonna keep on doing....the next right thing.

Life is what happens when you have other plans

Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be for your nourishment" Genesis 1:29

My dad is a conservative Republican and I love him!  I have already received what I can only assume as a cease and desist email from him about my blog (the day I posted it) which I didn't read (sorry dad).  When did emails replace a phone call?  Especially If it's important....call me. 

I didn't read it out of disrespect or lack of love, but this is not the first time he has been upset about something I posted. At the exact same time I got a text from my mom who said "Happy Valentines Day we love you." So I figured the two communications at once canceled each other out.  I love you mom and dad. 

How can anyone be upset about my blog when they have to log onto my address and hit I agree to read it?  I may be considered a renegade Christian...but hey guys we are on the same team.  I have no agenda. 

No one in my life needs to worry I am going to write about them using real first and last names. I am not gonna tell anyone's secrets except my own.  Yesterday, as my friend Fred was exiting the new vehicle God gave me, he turned and said, "A secret can't be hurt you....if you tell it first"  

So here I go........(deep breath)....(drum roll please)....are you ready? Sitting down? Liquids set down Okay, here we go..............

Thursday I got my hair cut, and half way through, the stylist handed me a developed pic of a hot naked guy.  You could not see his face..  The guy in the picture had a fantastic body and a large d*ck.  

Wondering why he was handing me this pic out of the blue,  I casually said "He has a nice one......" till I realized handing it back...uh...choke....gasp...uh ....UH..ERRRRRR  that pic was of me, that's my d*ck!

Horrified....more like mortified...I realized the person who snapped the pic (then developed it) did so without me knowing. I tried playing it off but I assure you I was some kind of angry inside.  A friendly acquaintance (not a close friend) associated with a person who criminally stalked me, took a nude pic of me while I was innocently going to take a shower and developed it.  I felt betrayed!!!

Oh there was a war going on in my soul as I was getting the finishing touches on the hatchet job they did on my hair.  Okay now I am just being mad again, by recounting the betrayal and reliving the poisoning from the stalker (they did a great job on my hair). This was a  below the belt punch though...and oh man I wanted to blow up.  But the power of God restrained me.  It was all I could do to get out of there and breathe fresh air again!

I am going to have exercise forgiveness and walk in love but this is big time grow up stuff here.  My flesh wanted to cuss everyone out.

The good news is my face is not in the pic, no one can tell its me (unless u have seen me nude). There are no (on purpose) pics taken by someone else of me nude.  I have never done porn and don't own any.  

As I left, walking to my car I said out loud..."What now God...how can anyone take  me serious? It's all over," knowing the devil has just taken his best shot at my confidence!

But it backfired and strengthened me because of the simple answer God gave me to this dilemma.. There is no problem too big that God cannot solve. I am more confident than ever in Christ (not me) and stand on the solution he gave me.

Ever so sweetly the Holy Spirit whispered in my heart "It's not over....not if you tell the truth, stand on my credibility...I am Truth." .  So that's my secret ...there is a headless pic (from last December when I was criminally stalked and the person is serving time) out there of me nude that I did not take.  I did not authorize it or know it was developed.  I am tempted to say the name of the person who did it, but I am going to overcome evil with good like the bible teaches.

 It was a blatant disregard of privacy (I considered pressing charges and I will if someone ever tried to sell it...or sue them for defamation and let the money from the lawsuit go to charity) but perhaps I am over reacting.  I trust God!  That's my only line of defense I trust God and i am going to take the high road on this one...

Literally!  A wake and bake (taking my green vitamins THC) can be fun before dawn...or early morn

Which reminds me the pic is not the reason why I even started this post this morning and I have 10 minutes to finish my original idea, make my bed, smoke a fatty and get to the gym to work out before I meet scientist #2 for our morning date.  

I do need to say here and now though, I have feelings for someone on the coast but until we get some alone time together I am agreeing to dates when I am asked.  I think about the person at the coast a lot and am drawn to them.  But my words get me in trouble and who knows if I already killed it with a text.  

Gosh, I am so ADHD...there are now only 4 minutes to leave for the gym, so i am gonna make this quick so I can enjoy my herbal therapy and leave.

Since Republicans are the geniuses at fiscal issues, (while us liberals are busy hugging trees ) why haven't they taken the initiative to quit outlawing a plant that God gave us? (Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth)  Republicans could regulate the growth, harvest and sale of marijuana, tax (the hell out of it)  it and use the money to fund universal healthcare.

Come on North Carolina...we are a proud tobacco state, Winston Salem (the town) is in the center of our borders .  I know there are more than pine trees growing up there in the Appalachian Mountains.  We use lottery money (gambling) to fund Education, let's consider being the leaders in universal health care and legalize marijuana to cover the cost.

It could be regulated like alcohol, we could quit spitting in God's eye by decriminalizing his seed bearing plant.   We would never ever ever run out of money for health care.  Republicans...come on, you are proven to be more interested in how we spend our money!  You could be the heroes of universal health care and satisfy us bleeding heart liberals (or so my dad call us).  

Gotta run...have a good day and be a blessing everywhere you go!
 

From the crack pipe to the church piano bench (SONG INCLUDED)

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

Valentine's Day 2014

"My hands were still shaking when I showed the president of my college the email yesterday from the DJ that read:  I talked to the owner of Party 934 Radio and He is exited to be chosen to debut your song "What Love Can Do" on the air. 

My blog, simply telling encounters with God is going viral. Its big news. U r the first person I have told, I feel connected to u. Hopefully everything else....could, and will fall in place...I don't need another Pastor, I want something else....." Text sent from me Wed Feb 19th 12:20 pm to the coast.

                 ________________________________________________________

Rev Ed (name change for privacy) was the first Pastor in a Methodist church that I met, that had to be careful of standing close to candles...or he might go up in flame. My gaydar flew off the charts when we first spoke.  He is an awesome preacher, but like myself...when he opens his mouth....Judy Garland's purse falls out.

I was a volunteer in a new Praise team launching a contemporary service.  I was migrating from the gay church downtown with a sound engineer & pretty Ms Golden Voice, as our lick-alot-of-pus (lesbian) leader.

I asked pretty Ms Golden Voice, if Rev Ed was gay since we were in a Methodist Church and I was unfamiliar with their acceptance policy.  She nodded and said,  Well Jamie I think so", with that big toothy smile...but it's a mystery...and really none of my business. 

I got busted in the sanctuary (sleeping below the altar) one Tuesday evening waiting hours for rehearsal to start by Rev Ed.  He was his usual charming self and before long I was at the piano giving him my testimony about how I foolishly tried cocaine in Florida.

Describing what I was like during my active addiction 20 years ago, is like talking about someone else I used to know.  I became a monster crack addict and I did hustle briefly.  I screamed at God for letting me get so sick and lose everything.

Instead of delivering me, God chose to walk with me though the valley (of the shadow of death) and out onto the other side into Victory.

It doesn't say in Psalm 23:4  "Yea though I walk around the valley, or stuck in the middle of the valley of the shadow of death"  It says "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death".

God chose on purpose to let me get 2 DUIs in 2 hours one night (on my way to the hood to score) to get my attention.  It was time to face everything and recover. Time for a fresh start, 2nd chances and new beginnings.

I knew life would be different  laying on the jail floor that night and several nights after. 7 years no license...shook the demon of cocaine from my core. I described to Rev Ed how God rescued, corrected, forgave, and healed me. How He made me a songwriter keeping His promise to give me beauty for my ashes.

I asked if Rev Ed would sit and listen to the song I wrote about my crack recovery.  He slowly sat down in a pew just a few feet away from me in the dark sanctuary, and nodded yes.  You could sense the electric presence from the Holy Spirit in the room, after basically confessing I got my d*ck sucked for crack money. I was in tears...
;
Knowing I was forgiven and no longer the same man....I closed my eyes and played and sang him my song about recovering.  It is called, "God Has Not forgotten Me".  I heard an echo from my voice bouncing off the ceiling, and felt wamth from the only light shining through stain glass down onto my forehead (from 2 stories above).

I opened my mouth and sang: click on the following link below to hear the song
  God Has Not Forgotten Me      https://mysp.ac/Gays?pl

Sometimes it seems i don't understand
I wonder about who I am
I want to do right but often fail
Many a nightmare I've lived to tell

But one things for sure
through all of my years
hang onto my faith when i cry my tears cause
God has not forgotten me.....

(chorus)
From this moment and then beyond
my heart will sing to you a song
cleanse me God of all my wrong
your mercy and grace
destroy anger and hate
my prayer and trust
grow into faith,
God has not forgotten me

Sometimes the sun just won't shine
Sometimes my fears can make me blind
my feelings can lie to me
I want to beieve what my spirit sees

That what I am not
He already is
What I don't have
is already His
God has not forgotten me (to chorus)

(Bridge)
when you fall down
and no one's around
believe in God
your already found

cause one thing I ve learned
through all of my years
hang onto my faith
while I cry my tears
God has not fogotten me
(to chorus end)

When it was over there were tears in his eyes and he stood up and approached me at the piano bench and said, "Jamie...a lot of doors will open for you someday, you have a gift from God.  Look at people in the eyes when they compliment you and don't look down and be bashful.  Shake their hand and sincerely say thank you, because your really saying thank you to God who gave you the gift.  True humility isn't an act."  And with that he handed me a set of keys that unlocked the entire campus of the Methodist Church, and left me alone with God.

The last Sunday I remember hearing Rev Ed preach, (I don't know where he is now except on FB)...we were singing a new song at the closing of a service, that just bombed.  Trying to get 100 white people at 8 :45 am to clap in rhythm to a African American Spiritual was purely pitiful and quite fankly ugly and embarrassing.

Sensing the praise team's utter disappointment Rev Ed stood for the benediction, lifted his hand towards heaven and said "Father....forgive us for being white!"

I screamed all the way to my car laughing and I wasn't the only one


             (check back for a link to the song referenced in this post I will upload it to mypace )

Dancing on the backside of Dolly Parton's boobs

"...with my God I can scale a wall" Psalm 18:29

My school (Living Arts College) looks like Dolly Parton's boobs (full and round) when I am having lunch at Wendy's on the hill above, and can't see the 3rd dome. I love it!!! Wait not Dolly Parton's boobs...yuck...but my school.

Its a hotbed of creative energy, the professors are abundant with talent. The administration leads by example, utilizing strategic decision making skills displaying only the utmost of professionalism.

Its not just a creative school. We also have a medical arts program. Daily u see medical students in their costumes...uh..I mean scrubs while toting around luggage on wheels full of textbooks. They must think I'm from Saturn, at least the ones in the parking lot this afternoon..

You see...none of my film partners showed up....again today! I still had wardrobe for two more scenes. Don't ask a former professional female impersonator known throughout Florida for doing flips in 6 inch heels to perform on camera without taking it seriously.  My stage identity has changed since my 20's.  Now my brand is garden variety Christian, who happens to be a "gay jock", verging on "young daddy" with each new gray hair. I retired my heels years ago but I still rely on lessons I learned in the club scene to help navigate my way through the creative process.

Actually I need to rephrase that.

I meant, I still rely on the same lessons God taught me back when I was full blown Miss Jamie Montoya.  Lessons like how to handle fierce competition, rejection, criticism, and crickets after a performance. Lessons on how to compose myself when painstakingly nervous and break on through to the other side of courage when facing public challenges.

But today it still stung to be older than even my professor...and have both my project partners MIA and no one to help me film. My professor's no filter work ethic and expectation is achievable. His back handed compliments (without being mean) can yank the slack out of any chain.  Today he gave me a solution to my filming project while lighting a fire in me to get it done

"Just drive around and film footage of pretty things. Its called B roll", he said, as I was exiting Dolly Parton's boobs...uh I mean the domes carrying the camera and tripod.

Snow is still on the ground but it had warmed to 46 degrees when I found the spot to film.  I was feeling sorry for myself being alone and had to really shake off the pity party I was being invited to attend.  I knew I wasn't alone.  God was with me as I carried my wall mirror, backpack of clothes and bags of shoes, hats, and sunglasses through the briers by the pond trying to find good light.

I began singing Michael W Smith's "You are Holy, Prince of Peace" to chase away my blues.  I have just learned and memorized the girls part to the chorus and it is so awesome...like a cheer.

I began singing out loud..."You are Lord of Lords, you are King of Kings, your are mighty God Lord of everything, your Emmanuel, Your the great I am, your the Prince of Peace who is the lamb, Your my saving power, your my saving grace, you will reign forever, you are Ancient of Days, you are alpha omega beginning and end, your my Savior, Messiah, my Redeemer and friend...your my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for you!"  Singing this worked and my blues were gone.

After setting up, and seconds before filming, I lifted my head to the sky and plead to the Holy Spirit.  It was a one word open eyed bullet prayer....help!

When I turned to start the camera, the fading scripture I wrote on my hands yesterday came into view as I reached to focus..  It read "...with my God I can scale a wall" Psalm 18:29. This was all the motivation I needed to get the job done.

From the first note of the song, I was in character, energized by my alone time with God.  I danced on the side of that hill singing at the top of my lungs, hoping to God I was in the shot because the Holy Spirit was my choreographer, my location manager, my audio tech, my director and my camera man.

My song is classic full blown rock with jamming guitars, bass and kicking drums.  There is a big bridge, and an over the top last chorus.  I assure you, this former showgirl let loose with both barrels. I used the sun as my spotlight, and I was center stage. I was jumping up and down a hill, doing spins, dancing my heart out, on the back side of Dolly Parton's boobs with only God as my audience.

At least I thought He was my only audience, till I spun around and saw a line of medical students in scrubs walking to their cars catching me mid song.  Several stopped (with mouth's hung wide open in disbelief) and watched me essentially flame out by myself in front of a camera, singing to no one and totally enjoying it.

I didn't even flinch when they saw me. I have been anesthetized to interruptions on stage. Lesbians are notorious for getting up mid performance and barging across center stage, in front of a queen performing (like they aren't there), just to get a beer.  At least medical students aren't rude. Besides, I have blazed many a trail.  If anything, I now had a captive audience.

Those students stood there through the rest of my song. probably thinking I was from Saturn.

The day I landed my recording contract

I'm convinced that He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.  Philippians 1:6

There was always the strange smell of sewer water in the booth, that my least favorite guest (I had to wait on) would sit.  Jane my boss did everything she could to spray away the smell,  but it always returned.  Working at Lonestar in Cary NC off Kildaire farm road (in what is now an IHOP) was always a trip...to say the least.

As usual in most restaurants, the cook sold all the good pot, so we were stoned half the time we waited tables.  We would regularly make a pipe out of a raw potato and tin foil,  then smoked up in the walk in cooler or the trash bin outside.

I considered working at Lonestar as my very own version of seminary, where God was teaching me to love the unlovely.  Waiting tables sucks out loud and God taught me many a lesson on how to swallow my pride and be His representative to hateful, ungrateful customers by walking in love.

Lonestar was also the closest restaurant to where Louis and I lived.  I was currently on the "2 foot express" after losing my driving license for 7 years (getting 2 DUIs in 2 hours). So I used the time to walk home from work (at 4 pm) to listen to the demos of songs I had just written and recorded in my home studio. 

I was also on my last year of being a volunteer at Highland United Methodist Church singing and playing in their contemporary service searching for my next place in life musically.

John, the picky mean ole nasty guest (that always asked to sit in the sewer smelling booth and for me to wait on him), had a guest with him today.  A large friendly old man who actually looked at me in the eye when I came for their drink order.

I had another regular guest (from White Plains United Methodist Church down the street) who always asked for me to wait on her and her deaf husband.  She always used a coupon and loved hearing my stories about where I was singing, my trips to Nashville and my dreams of being a worship leader.  She was sitting directly behind John and his guest that day in my sewer smelling section.

I was excited to tell her about the combined service we were doing at Highland, where we actually got to leave the gym and sing in the sanctuary.  My director (Jeff) was letting me sing a song I had written that he would accompany.  I am such a chatty Cathy, that I didn't realize while spilling my story excitedly, that others would be listening.

When I returned to John's table (the picky mean ole guest with his friend) to bring their drinks, I heard, "So, your a songwriter?  Do you have any of your original songs with you," the nice bigger guy asked?

"I sure do," I said,  "I have my CD walk man in my coat under the computer...why?  Do you want to hear one".

"Sure Jamie, do you know who this is?" the bigger guy asked pointing to John (the picky mean ole guest)

With a smile in my eye (knowing I was sugar coating the truth since he was difficult, but obeying Jesus and not complaining and walking in love) I said, "Yeah this is John Phillips, one of my favorite guests, he tips great!

"Yes this is John, my brother.  It's also Neil Young's publishing lawyer and a heavyweight in the music industry.  Go get your headphones, let us hear your songs, oh and I need some sweetener for my tea."

I was walking on adrenalin and freaking out in my head when I returned to the table with my headphones, walk man and Equal sweetener.  I tried acting calm, but come on, I am Jamie Montoya, (bull in a china shop), my friends had to Jamie proof their room in college when I came over..there was nothing graceful about handing over my music.

At this point I had completely forgotten about any other table I was tending to, and went outside by the trash bin, looked in the sky and said, "Okay Jesus...this has to be you!  I hold up everything you are and nothing I am. I promise that I will always point to you and give you the glory, because I am convinced that, You who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it!"

After I prayed, I took a hit of pot from the raw potato pipe the cook hid for us servers, to calm my nerves and went back inside.

The place seemed busier and everything was in slow motion.  I have performed in front of thousands of people, up and down the eastern seaboard and across the country for years, but never was I so nervous as I returned to the table.  Oh gosh, don't let me have a booger in my nose, help God...what do I say?

The headphones were sitting on the edge of the table and someone had already delivered their meal. I was obligated to go up and check on their steaks anyway, because John usually sent his back twice.

"How is everything fellas," I squeaked?

They had a different expression on their face, and John for the first time, turned and looked at me in the eye. 

"Did you really write that song Full Steam Grace and Liberty's Spirit" he questioned me in his most authoritative lawyer tone?

"I sure did, and I poor man copyrighted them by sending the lyrics and chord chart to myself in the mail, makng it legal through the post office so the dated stamped on the envelope proves that I wrote these songs."  I said in a voice that came from somewhere deep inside.

"First off, we need to register these songs.  Do you have ten more like it?"

"Yes yes I do, I used to think songwriters were geniuses until I prayed for God to restore my talent after retiring my high heels.  God did more than that.  He turned me into a songwriter." I answered, and as usual always giving way too many details.

"I would like to offer you a recording contract, here and now Jamie Montoya.  Sign this napkin with your signature as intent on letting me publish your music.  Dont let anyone else hear your songs and meet me at my office first thing Monday morning"

I came to work that morning just regular Jamie Montoya.  I left that afternoon (doing cartwheels) as Jamie Montoya the recording artist.

Thus began a journey of my life, that is still developing.